2011年5月25日 星期三
Express an opinion-1
In my opinion, using the death penalty as a form of criminal punishment is right. First of all, those felonries who commit serious crimes must pay for it. Second, if we let alone their misbehavior, those who sacrifice themselves will prove to be in vain. Next, we must let everyone know that doing something bad is definitely wrong. Not only will we punish severely but we also value the human rights. Finally, I hope we learn a lesson from those tragedies.
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綺綺~
回覆刪除建議可以在每一點下方再多一點論述來輔助你的論點唷~
而且ㄚ~你可以試試看用正、反的論述方法寫看看!!
另外，second的那句我有一點不太懂耶~
是說"如果我們不要縱容他們的行為，要不然那些犧牲死掉的人就沒效了"是嗎?will prove to be in vain有點怪~
結尾句要再明確表示你的立場比較好~
if we let alone their misbehavior, those who sacrifice themselves will prove to be in vain
回覆刪除這一句看不太懂,可以寫的更明確一點
文章可以在拉長些
文章越來越比我的短了!!
回覆刪除可以再多加論述!!
可以再多加一些句子唷!
回覆刪除文章很通順~
蠻通順的
回覆刪除建議你可以把字放大看起來會很像寫很多
可以有附加小點在你的論點上
回覆刪除這樣文章會更豐富喔!
if we let alone their misbehavior有點不懂~要不要重新敘述~