The new large factory has many negative effects on Action town. With the new large factory constructed, pollution problems become more and more serious, such as air pollution and environmental problems. Next, owing to the construction of new large factory, there will be more and more people move in. This way, street will be filled with rubbish. Besides, once there are more and more people move in, the small town will become crowned and noisy. What is worse, public security will be severe. To sum up, it’s a controversial issue to regard this construction as a bad thing.
more and more在文章中出現3次了唷!
回覆刪除可以用其他字代替~
there are more and more people move in
-->there are more and more people moving in
沒有前文!!
回覆刪除on Action town.(應該不用town 然後on 好像要改in)
crowned (你是要打crowded吧!!)
public security will be severe(不懂意思!)
文章真的很短!!
每個論點之後可以多加點解釋之類的
開頭要有空格
回覆刪除there will be more and more people move in兩個動詞衝突到了喔!
有些詞或句子有比較多次重複到
可以想辦法替代成其他的字~!
前面要不要鋪陳一下
回覆刪除好多more and more~要不要找替換字~
要多寫一點附加論點喔!這樣文章會更豐富!
補個開頭介紹一下囉
回覆刪除