The business failed for several reasons. First, there are two large music stores near this store, in this way, the competitiveness would be intense. Second, most of the CDs in this store were hip-hop and rock; it was not only too simple but too unappealing. They should have had more selections for people who have different interests in music. Next, the business hours were too short. Besides, people usually take a nap or have no time to go outside during this time, so this is the reason why the business hours were inappropriate. Finally, Mr. Williams accept neither checks nor credit cards. It was really unhandy for people. According to the above, I think they were the main reasons of the business failed.
accept要加s唷!
回覆刪除According to the above
-->According to these above或 the reasons above~
(above是副詞唷!不能當代N)
其他沒什麼問題~~
First, there are two large music stores near this store, in this way, the competitiveness would be intense.(competitiveness是競爭力，這樣有點怪怪的，要不要改成其他的)
回覆刪除Second, most of the CDs in this store were hip-hop and rock; it was not only too simple but too unappealing.(前面是most of the CDs,後面是it,前後不對稱了)
According to the above, I think they were the main reasons of the business failed.(應該是N of N ,所以the bussiness failed就錯了吧!!above前面再加個名詞)
有些論點下面可以再加點解釋!!
*~in this way, the competitiveness would be intense.這句感覺有點怪...有in this way 這種寫法ㄇ?
回覆刪除*According to the above, I think they were the main reasons of the business failed.
→Accirdubg ti what's mentioned above
→the main reasons why the business failed
→the main reasons for the business failure
我覺得有些形容詞用法有點怪，下次要用在句子裡時可以先查一下相關字的例句看看有沒有類似的用法。
They should have had more selections for people who have different interests in music.
回覆刪除這裡用they怪怪的~
Finally, Mr. Williams accept ~ accept時態
回覆刪除很多時態都有點不對，要在確認一下喔=D
可以明確說一下開店時間為什麼會太短
回覆刪除